there are these F.E.E.L.I.N.G.S inside of me that I, myself, sometimes cant even figure it out. is this how it is when u miss someone? is this how it is when u keep thinking about someone? *gosh* i totally dun remember how it felt. i guess its been so long since i felt like this. it all happened while i was watchin one episode of my "One Tree Hill" and this feeling inside of me just came across my mind.
everytime when i see a 'lovey dovey' scene in some part of the movie or in the series, i believe it all comes back to me. ALL THE DAMN TIME it comes back!! the damn 'missing' kinda FEELING will somehow evolve in my mind at that point of time. it is as if something has taken over my vulnerability and somehow the 'weak' me seems to be searching for sumtin which i dunno WHAT I WANT!!! *sHIiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiz* do i make any sense? i should be hitting my head to a wall rite NOW!! AND~ thru out the nite, i'll be in my room feeling sorry for myself wondering why i dun know wot i want??!?!?! *geeeeeeeez* it kills me to know that i dun have a brain that tHinks that much??!?! O.o
OR i mite be avoiding sumtin? or whether im afraid?? i guess to live in fear is indeed very very scary. also, not knowin where ur headin. no sense of direction. OR i mite be thinking of my past that frightens me? things that happened to me was not very memorable? sad endings, i suppose? heart breaking moments? ahhhh~ CraP~ >.< yeah~ i think back on things that happened. who doesnt? oh well. my favourite motto: SHIT HAPPENS!!
every now and then, i would think to myself if i would ever find someone i could just run to with all my problems? someone to share it with? to talk about? the first person to think of when im in total deep shit? the only person i think of before i sleep and when i wake up?? i prolly just miss those days when i HAD someone. then again, its not like im always wanting to have someone. i guess its just the way how the mind works in its mysterious way of manipulating how ppl think and feel.
BUT i do wanna have that back. all the "hey, i missed u" or "yea, i really wanna c u 2nite" OR "lets do sumtin together" and so on and so forth. ALSO, to know that someone out there is constantly thinking about u every day and every nite, even before they sleep and when they wake up. isnt that lovely?? i would so love him IF i ever MEET him. its like THE RITE ONE who wanna be with u his whole life. wow~ *haha* i presume that i DO wanna fall in love again. i wonder how it felt like to be in love again? >.< hmmmm~ i wonder *hehe*
ahhhhhhh~ i have my times of feeling down in the dumps. its just mood swings. i just get triggered abruptly. so so OUT of the BLUe *hoho*
GOOD thing about me is, i dun hang around on the same thoughts. when i wake up the next day, its gone. BUT...... deep down in my heart, i know that it will return. yet again, wot can i do but to feel morose once more.
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