:: The Chronicles of ß ë ë ::

it was my fwen's bday party last nite. a home-cooked kinda buffet dinner was held at this club in Bangsar. there was karaoke and a pool table. overall, it was quite an interesting place to hang out with a huge bunch of ppl. nways... turned out to be quite a shockin nite for me last nite~

hmmmmmm...i duno wot the hell got in to me tho. i was just chatting up with this buddy of mine whom we've known for like ages since high skool. we were just talking about how those days were fun and bla bla bla....about how she misses USA so damn much and how much i miss SYD as well. then she goes on about :

H: oh yeah, u know. my mum asked me to go back to the States. well, im considering of goin back to continue my studies.

B: oooh~ really?? >.< hmmmm~ ok...thats good (suddenly became very quiet)

H: yea. cos i really miss it there. culture, guys, ppl, everything. i miss it!! my mum knows that i dun really like it here.

B: gosh. yeah!! me tooo...i miss Syd as well!! but but, my mum wun lemme *sigh* (begans my reminiscence on those days back then and i go hmmmmmmm....)

H: yes! exactly!

B: hmmmmm, chengy is leaving as well. then ur gonna go. then....omg...im alone. (starts to get really emotional due to alcohol)

so, i began imagining how my life was without my best buddies around *SHIiiiiiiiiiiiiT* well, i think i did the wrong thing to even think about it in the first place, cos, the very next second, all i could feel was bitter misery. everything that includes gloominess and depression came to me all at once. it was like a grenade that just landed on me and *BLASSSTED*. i exploded at that very moment. my heart felt as if it got bombarded and my tears couldnt stop pouring.

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez!!

yup!! i crieD!! like all of a sudden, out of nowhere, in the middle of a damn party, where everyone was busy drinking and playing games, and havin fun, i bloooody hell cried!!! i was like....!@#$!%#$@ WTF!!.... blooooody hell. someone Help me!! pls stop me from crying!! damnit!! but, i really couldnt stop myself. i have no idea why i felt that way but i felt utter wretchedness last nite. i reckon, the alcohol was TO BE BLAME!!!

NOTE: do not drink when ur feeling sad!! (altho its a universal rule tt every tom, dick or harry knows, BUT, seriously..... it makes it worst than how u felt when ur sober, but.... yeah. then again, everybody drinks when they're sad. so-call-drinking helps to FORGET about things. thats BS!! depends on how u look at the matter and wot kinda situation ur in) me make sense??

ahhhhh~ i think i wasnt myself last nite. maybe i did wanna cry?? maybe i was feeling sad all these while?? maybe last nite was my only chance to let it all out cos my fwens were there for me?? but then again, thanks to the little conversation about everyone leaving me adds on to my misery. oh boy~

i reckon the alcohol made me go cuckooooo and more expressive. well, yea....maybe a little bit too expressive?? *heh* >.< woteva happened last nite, just made me realise that i need to do sumtin about my life. i cant be sooooo damn lazy!!! come on!!! BEE!! get up and start making plans now!! (kicks myself in d ARSE) oh gosh~ i wanna make an impact now *haha* but but how?? hmmm~

*sigh* i have no direction.

hey~ i just remembered tat aids asked me about wot i wanted as a guide/manual in my life. well, i think i need a manual walkthru to my whole life. maybe i started in the wrong place? took the wrong step since long long time ago? did the wrong thing?? *gosh* maybe everything was a mistake?? oh dear. oh dear!! hmmmm~ wot shall i do??? +.O

*knocks my shallow head on the wall n then choke myself to death*

pretty good idea aye?!?!???!!!